If you’re in need of tailored topcoats that looks like they could be by big-name designers—but cost half as much—you’ve come to the right place.
Be festive and remind people that you haven’t skipped leg day once summer wrapped.
It’s that time of year when everyone—even the swolest of bros—has Halloween costumes on the brain.
You worked out and ate like a saint—all in secret!—so that you could show off your oh-I’m-just-naturally-athletic physique all summer long. And we’ll be the last people to judge you for it. The reward of those months of dedication should no doubt be the freedom to run around shirtless, feeling good about it, and fielding compliments.
But fall’s first chill is the swole bro’s mortal enemy, and Halloween is even worse: it’s the grand finale of your summer fun, the curtain call on shirtless escapades. But not if you choose from Halloween costumes that are, uh, optimized to show off your hard work at the gym.
So make this holiday your final hurrah before you have to start covering your six pack in layers of cashmere and topcoats till spring’s thaw. Here are the best Halloween costumes for the swole bro.
Zac Efron in Baywatch
Despite flopping at the box office, Baywatch was one of the summer’s most talked-about movies, and it’s easy to see why. It had beautiful women, ticked off both the action and comedy boxes, starred The Rock, and featured Zac Efron’s abs. If you have a body to match the former High School Musical star, we say pull out a red pair of trunks for a final trip to the beach. Bring a whistle on a necklace in case you need to draw any more attention to yourself.
A #Thirsty #Influencer
A strange, very right-now thing is people who wear very little clothing, take a photograph, put it on the Internet, and then get paid for it. This one is easy: make a cardboard Instagram “frame” (or buy one), wear the mall-brand knock-off of something that Justin Bieber would wear (no shirt though!), and broodingly look off into the distance for most of the night.
Much like vegans, you don’t have to ask if someone goes to Crossfit. They’ll happily tell you, whether you want to know or not. Slap on some swole-bro gym basics that you already have in your closet, and, yeah, that’s it. Bring a creatine shake with you for good measure and be prepared to talk to everyone around you about how you went beast mode on your squats today.
While Asahd Khaled is inarguably the best dressed toddler in the game (watch yourself, Prince George!), his most baller move is wearing very little clothing, as he does on the cover of his dad’s album. All you’ll need is a diaper, a gold chain, and some hair product to recreate the look. Plus abs instead of baby fat.
The Rock (in GQ, of course)
Oh, you got guns? Well, wear short-sleeve black T-shirt—a tight one—shave your head (or get a bald wig) and draw the GQ logo on that huge bicep of yours. And then walk around with your arm up all night, flashing a toothy grin. Bring a copy of our June issue with you, just in case anyone doesn’t recognize you. (They will).
Grab some sunglasses, a white T-shirt with a serious V-neck, and plenty of salt. Then make sure everyone’s steak—and heads, and torsos, and shoes, and hair—is appropriately seasoned all night long.
Milo Ventimiglia in This Is Us
Besides interminable crying jags it causes nationwide, the hit new show This Is Us is best-known for the fact that working-class dad Jack Pearson somehow has a full-time job and the jacked body of a Greek sculpture. Naturally the Internet has feelings about it, and they will about you, too, if you pull out the mustache and built physique for All Hallow’s Eve. You’ll be glad that people are checking you out, less so about so many people wondering just how the hell you (SPOILER) died.
The Babadook—a nightmarish demon with a penchant for jaunty headgear—was the most important celebrity coming out this year. (Sorry, Barry Manilow!) While the Babadook doesn’t technically have a body or wear clothes (he’s more of an accessory guy), so there’s no better way to celebrate his out-and-proudness than slathering your pecs and abs in black paint and contouring your cheek bones to the gods. Add a top hat and presto, you’re the manifestation of human suffering, but like hot.
The Swole Bro Costume that Never Fails: Abercrombie & Fitch Store Greeter
Now that the brand is officially abandoning its once-super sexy image, pretending to be the shirtless greeters who stood, pointlessly, at the store’s entrances, is not just thirsty, it’s ~nostalgic~.
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Mamba/ Splash News
The rare lunchbox-as-accessory makes an appearance.
Move over, George Clooney in your boot-cut jeans. Out of the way, Christian Bale in your giant cargo pants. Because earlier this week, Mark Wahlberg—star of both Daddy’s Home and the upcoming Daddy’s Home 2—assembled what we’re ready to call the most “dad” outfit in recent memory. Our man Marky Mark (or Mahky Mahhhk) managed to smash seven distinct dad staples into one outfit. Count ’em off: hat, polo, fancy belt, tech-y watch, boring khakis, second-rate Jordans, and a bag made of lunch-cooling material. The only things missing are a pair of Sean Spicer sunglasses and a windbreaker.
Wahlberg might be a badass from Boston and a serious sneaker head, but he’s developed a penchant for performance polos and nondescript pants over the years that show his age. But while this outfit isn’t totally out of the norm for him, it’s rare that we see the practicality piled on with such abandon. According to the paparazzo caption on this photo, Wahlberg was running errands in Beverly Hills on this day, which may explain why the dad of four didn’t even bother with a graphic T-shirt or a pair of Timberlands. Wahlberg was clearly in “get sh#t done” mode—and for that he needed his nothing-to-write-home-about Jordans, and what appears to be a lunchbox filled with what we can only assume are high-protein snacks.
This is the part where we tell you not to ever, ever do this. Not if you’ve been hitting the gym and can fill out a pique polo better than anyone in your neighborhood. And not if you’re running errands and have four children under 15 at home. But we can’t do that entirely in good conscience, because the Spring 2018 runways were stacked with dad looks that give even Wahlberg’s fit a run for its money. Observe:
Wahlberg might be the world’s biggest dad, but he’s also—and we’re somewhat reluctant to admit this—a man ahead of his time.
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On the set of his new Netflix series Maniac, Hill’s outfits have ranged from bizarre to downright stylish.
Jonah Hill’s staggering weight loss might be grabbing headlines, but all we care about in 2017 is the actor’s excellent style that went from good to really, really good this year. More than most celebs who swear by stylists and freebies to get dressed, Hill is engaged with what’s happening in menswear right now while rocking some of the coolest brands of the moment (Palace, Dickies, even Yeezy). His day job is also giving fans a buffet of looks worthy of your attention.
Based on the snaps we’ve seen from the set of his new Neflix show Maniac, the dude’s wardrobe is a sartorial enigma. One day he’s rocking a mullett and a football jersey and the next he’s sporting a stellar green suit. The latest photos to emerge from the Cary Fukunaga-helmed show are in the latter category. The outfit’s also a win in monochromatic dressing (see how his tie and pants complement one another without being too matchy-matchy—that’s what you want to be going for). A darker green trench coat in a modern cut and length (not too long, not too short) keeps the whole thing in minimalist territory without venturing too far into first season Mad Men territory. And the clean white sneakers he’s rocking are exactly the kind of kicks that pair perfectly with your gray or navy suit trousers whether or not you decide to pair them up with a shirt and tie. The execution is also perfectly aligned with our own ideas of how to do “sneakers with a suit” right. (If we can nitpick anywhere, it’s that his tie is just a tad too long. In a perfect world, it’d stop right at his belt.)
The outfit might not be for real life, but the takeaway here is that it can be for you. This whole combo is one any guy could wear with a polo, a cashmere sweater, or even a leather jacket. It works because the shoes, despite being sneakers, take themselves as seriously as a crisp pair of suit pants while also delivering on comfort and ease. Point is, we like this Jonah, maybe even more than the hoodie-and-Dickies Jonah. (After all, the dude is 33 years old, right on the cusp of being past the ideal age for rocking the latest hyped-up streetwear.) But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from all of these Maniac set photos, it’s that this clean-cut Jonah won’t be for long. Expect to see him sporting some kind of bizarro haircut and outfit very, very soon. Frankly, we have no idea what this show has in store, but we’re pretty excited for whatever it turns out to be.
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